Do You Have a Jealousy Problem?

Are you a jealous person? If so, do you at times feel like you're crazy or irrational for being so possessive? So greedy of your partner's affections, or so needy?

Jealousy is a very normal, human reaction to situations in which we feel like we're being ignored or usurped, as a Yale study mentioned in the recent book Out of Character: Surprising Truths About the Liar, Cheat, Sinner (and Saint) Lurking in All of Us indicates. Researchers set things up so that a group of two people — woman and a man — were asked to work on a problem-solving task.

The guy acted all charming and flirtatious — but when another female participant arrived, ten minutes late, he lost all interest in the first woman and focused almost entirely on the second. After about 10 minutes of that, the person in charge interrupted the trio, informing them that there can be only two people in each group. The male turned immediately to the latecomer and said, "Want to work together?"

Now, of course, the male was in cahoots with the psychologists in charge. Everything he did was pre-arranged. He was supposed to flirt with the first lady, then pretend to lose all interest when the second arrived.

When the first woman got dropped, what did she do? In many cases, her face literally dropped. Other times, she let out a gasp. Or she said nasty, scolding things to the other two. In other words, she got extremely jealous ... of a man she'd only spent a few minutes with, whose interest in her wasn't even real.

The researchers' theory was that the jealousy instinct is tied pretty directly to self-esteem. Self-esteem increases when others like us, and decreases when they don't — and because we feel better when people like us, we are motivated to protect and nurture our relationships with others. Jealousy — as primitive as it can seem — probably helped motivate the cave men to fend off competitors who wanted their women, quite possibly by threatening to bash them over the head with a club.

These days, of course, it's illegal to engage in such behavior, and rightly so! None of us want to turn into a Lisa Nowak — the NASA astronaut who drove 900 miles from Texas to Florida, in a disguise consisting of a wig and trench coat, while wearing an adult diaper (so she wouldn't have to make a rest stop) with a small arsenal of weapons (including a four-inch buck knife) so that she could corner her ex-boyfriend's new girl in a parking garage and threaten her.

But a little flutter of jealousy now and then is not necessarily a terrible thing. It may motivate us to put a little extra energy into relationship problems. It may help us to ask our partner to have a talk, so we can discuss some behavior that's been upsetting us. It may get us to realize we've been feeling neglected by someone we're dating, and that we generally don't love the way he treats us — so that in fact, maybe we're better off without him.

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Just don't go buying any adult diapers and stay away from hunting knives, and chances are, your jealousy is nothing freakish.

Source: teen selfshots

How to write a killer dating profile

If you take time to write a killer dating profile you’ll be rewarded with more responses from the type of people you like, and you’ll also have a ready-made About Me section if you swap sites.

When you sign up with a site, they will ask you to pick a user name and some kind of headline (more on the headline here). Try to make your screen name stand out a bit. If you opt for Deborah1975 it suggests you haven’t got much in the way of wit or personality. Try to pick something that doesn’t require a string of numbers after it. Something clean like thenewsinatra or lastbohemian is good for your killer dating profile.

You are then asked some questions. Most are just tickbox, multiple choice affairs, but a few (the crucial bits) require you to say some stuff in your own words.

If you spend any time at all reading online dating profiles, you will see that most single women in Britain are “as happy in killer heels as hiking boots”. Of course, nights in and nights out are equally popular, as is red wine and cosy nights in front of a DVD, ideally in front of a roaring fire. All very nice pursuits, of course, but they make for a very cliched dating profile. Our killer dating profile will do better than that.

So what is the secret to composing something that’s fresh, sums you up and isn’t a real chore to write?

It’s really simple...

It’s this...

Get a nice, big blank piece of paper. Buy some pencils, biros, fluorescent markers and whatever stationery floats your boat because it’s time to get creative. In the top third of the page, start jotting down as much as you possibly can about yourself – don’t censor anything yet.

Come on, everything: what your interests are, what matters most to you, what you couldn’t live without, your job, how you feel about it, your dream job, what type of holidays you like, films and other entertainment and any quirks you have. Whatever crosses your mind.

Think back to all the bad partners you’ve had and note down what made them bad! Feel feel to write down anything at all, including all your worst fears, dislikes and prejudices.

And what are your core values? This might sound a bit OTT but it’s very important for writing a killer dating profile. Shared values are probably the most important thing when it comes to finding a match.

After all, a man and a woman might share their three greatest passions – cycling, food and family life – but if one of them’s a hard right-winger who backs massive cuts to social security benefits, and the other is a social worker, are they going to get along?

This brainstorming is the core of your killer dating profile – put some effort into this and the rest will fall into place. Starting a whole profile from scratch can be a dispiriting experience, especially if writing isn’t your strong point. Brainstorming is much easier and more fun.

So what does Katie, our hypothetical 33-year-old internet dater from London, have for her killer dating profile after 10 minutes?

"Outgoing, running, adventure holidays, event manager, peach allergy, Mike Leigh films, hate cheats/liars! Wine, Greek islands, family time, hate cheats/liars!, indie cinema, 80s music, karaoke, pub quizzes, pointless conversations, walking in forests, Peep Show, shoulders! Open to moving out of London – countryside? No moodiness. Non-smoker, easy company, no neurotics! Start my own business? Kids!??? Not too sports mad. Addictions – no boozers, stoners!"

Okay, a good start. You can always add to the list. You’ll notice that the ghost of relationships past crops up when she says “Addictions – booze???!!” and possibly in the bit where she says “hate cheats/liars!” It’s understandable but we think a bit pointless.

You might as well pick from any number of things – after all, does she want someone who never communicates, or who’s got huge debts, or who’s lazy either? She could list any number of things from the range of human imperfections. We’re not advising against it but remember not to sound too bitter and on edge.

As for the more positive type of lists, they can be a good way to paint a picture of your life, so that those with a similar kind of approach can single you out from the crowd.

They go wrong when people are too specific about what they are looking for. You need to be reasonable and realistic about what is truly non-negotiable. We asked Sarah, 38, to describe what she is looking for. She said:

“Hmmm. Funny, tall, kind, probably with dark hair, non-smoker, good looking but not ridiculously so, into the same sort of TV and films as me, intelligent, same sense of humour, not obsessed by sport, likes a drink but not too much so. Probably left-leaning, not massively into politics, but aware enough. Self-deprecating, warm, thoughtful, good in a crisis – ooh able to do flat pack furniture, good with IT, charismatic, maybe ideally a couple of years older than me, but not too much more. Confident, but kind of sensitive.”

Wow. He sounds great. Daniel Craig might play him in the movie. In other words, she is asking a lot there. Just by stipulating hair and height, she’s cutting out thousands of men, many of them otherwise suited to her. So if we twisted her arm and demanded that she chop that list down to four things, she might say:

“Arrrrgh, get off my arm: funny, confident, non-smoker, kind.”

Much more reasonable.

* Read all the articles in this great series at selfshots under the Dating tips section.

The Blind Dating

Blind Dating

Blind dating is a common way for dating also. It often occurs when someone is set up on a date through a friend or a third party.

People are often set up on a blind date through a friend or a co-worker who knows both parties and believes they would make a great couple.

If you are recommended to go on a blind date by a friend who knows you well, you might want to consider it.

If your friend knows the other person as well as they know you, they might be right about the two of you connecting and getting along well together.

When you go on a blind date you might not have any idea what the other person looks like or you might have been shown a picture.

In all cases, the person you will be going out with will be someone you have never met or spoke to before. It is common to be nervous about going on a blind date
because you don’t know if the person will like you and you don’t know if you will like the other person.

Some people really enjoy being set up on a blind date and many blind dates turn into successful relationships if the right people set the two of you up.

You should try to know as much information that you can about the person before you go and be sure your friend knows the other person well before you go to be sure the date will not be a disaster.

However, even if the two of you decide that you are not a compatible couple you might meet someone who becomes a very good friend of yours in the long run.

Source: Selfshots

Online Dating is Not a Contest

 Online dating is not a competition between competing males for the attention of a female.  Grow up.  Change your mind set from “winning” to “searching”.  This isn’t high school.  You are all grown up and have been for quite some time, now.  Your attitude is the most important asset you have.  You should like yourself and not concentrate of all of the things that aren’t YOUR idea of the perfect guy…the one the all women want.

What is that women want, you ask?  That’s the age old question.  Being of the female persuasion myself, I can tell you a few things women want and don’t want.

Women want a man to be confident…NOT an arrogant jerk.  There’s a big difference.  You need to like yourself and not be self depreciating but you don’t need to come across like you believe that you are a gift to them from God and have just fallen from the sky.  They don’t want you to think that THEY just fell from heaven and are some kind of perfect being, either.  They can’t live up to that expectation.

Women want a communicator. The “strong silent type” really isn’t appealing at all.   They think you probably don’t have an original thought in your head and you probably haven’t heard a word they said, either or that you just don’t care what they said or didn’t even hear what they said.  They want you to be interesting enough to want to know more about you and they want you to think that they are interesting enough to ask intelligent questions about what is important to them, too.

Women do NOT want to be a prize to be won.  They don’t want to be a trophy. They want to be the ONE woman that you want to be with.

Source: ex girlfriends

6 Secrets To Make Your Teen-Parent Relationship Work

 As your child approaches teen age –around 12-13 years old- you’ll experience some changes in him. He will probably be out of the house more often and wants to keep his privacy from you. Other times, he may not be listening to you nor doing what you ask him.

Many parents in the world find the same troubles when dealing with their teens. Hope you don’t get them. But if you do, don’t worry! Keep on reading to get solutions.

Just like when you were a teenager, you wanted to spend times with your peers rather than with your parents or family, right? Your teen feels the same way, too. Making his own decision is another important thing for him besides privacy.

Now, do you think your teen is out of control and never wants to listen to you?

Don’t give up! Of course you can help yourself deal with your teen. The best way to do it is to always strengthen your relationship with him. But how?

Here are the solutions:

1. Talk with him more – It’s better if you start the conversation. It can be just “How was your day, buddy?” Try to discuss many things instead of interrogate him. Find interesting topics, such as sport, entertainment, friends, and school experience to make it relaxing.

2. Listen to him – If he reveals his criticism to you, listen to him and ask what he expects you to do. Talk about this wisely, not emotionally. It’s good for him to be able to express the feeling.

3. Set rules for him – Your teen needs to recognize what is and isn’t acceptable and what the consequences of misbehavior are. Therefore you should set, or precisely, negotiate some rules with your teen to keep him on track.

4. Consider his point of view – Regard your teen as your friend and respect his opinion whenever you discuss something. This also shows that you pay attention to him and consider him as important.

5. Encourage your teen by doing his interests and talent – Most teens like to try new things. Let yours choose what he desires, though you don’t agree with it because, for example, it can endanger him. Giving him support is the best you can do, while you keep monitoring that the new activity is safe for him. Moreover, this idea is a good way of teaching your teen on how to be responsible with things he does.

6. Do things together – This one is surely a great opportunity for you to improve your relationship with your teen. Why? ‘Cause you probably haven’t had much time to spend with him. Arrange agenda for the whole month. In each week, make an interesting plan for you and him and get the pleasant results at the end of it.

Still about the last point above, think of exciting activities you both can do together. For example, in the first week, play video games together on Saturday, while on the next day both of you can go bowling or swimming at the beach.

Later, in the following weeks, set up enjoyable weekends by doing these: having breakfast at a popular coffee shop which makes your teen’s favorite food and beverage, going fishing, going to the movie, camping, or visiting a college where your teen looks forward to join in the future.

Conclusively, warm and positive communication without underestimating your teen is a key to successful relationship between the two of you. Clearly it won’t work at once. Try the tips progressively and enjoy your time being a parent of a teenager.


Source: ex girlfriends

The Hottest London Venues For Marriage Proposals

 If you are living in London and looking to propose you will be pleased to hear there is no shortage of hot venues to choose from. Below we have a look at some of the most popular.

If desert beaches and mountain tops are beyond your reach, there are plenty of unusual places that will provide the perfect backdrop for the big question. The following suggestions are all based in London, but you can adapt the ideas to somewhere near you.

The London Eye

A capsule on the London Eye is fast becoming one of the most popular places to propose. With stunning views over the city and thirty minutes to complete the journey, it’s the perfect place to start your celebrations. The London Eye has special offers for Valentine’s Day itself, which include champagne, roses, chocolates and a private capsule, but if you want to propose at a different time, call the company to see if you can make special arrangements.

The Serpentine – Hyde Park

In a recent survey, hotel concierges said that a rowing boat on the Serpentine Lake in Hyde Park is currently a fashionable place to propose. Check out the weather, hire a rowing boat or pedallo, bring the ring, the champagne and prepare for a truly romantic proposal.

Hampton Court Maze

Possibly the most famous maze in the world, Hampton Court Maze is a great place for a romantic proposal. Set in the beautiful gardens of Hampton Court Palace alongside the River Thames, the yew hedges are a perfect backdrop for the occasion. Get deliberately lost and then drink champagne when you get to the middle!

A Boutique Hotel

London has many famous hotels, but a new type of hotel is coming of age in the city – the Boutique Hotel. These are small, individually decorated and quirky hotels that pride themselves on personal service. They are also, compared with many London hotels, good value for money. Take a room or visit the restaurant for a proposal to remember.


Source: ex girlfriends