7 Ways To Improve Your Relationship

 Good relationships don’t just happen. I’ve heard many of my clients state that, “If I have to work at it, then it’s not the right relationship.” This is not a true statement, any more than it’s true that you don’t have to work at good physical health through exercise, eating well, and stress reduction.

I’ve discovered, in the 35 years that I’ve been counseling couples, 7 choices you can make that will not only improve your relationship, but can turn a failing relationship into a successful one.

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF

This is the most important choice you can make to improve your relationship. This means that you learn how to take responsibility for your own feelings and needs. This means that instead of trying to get your partner to make you feel happy and secure, you learn how to do this for yourself through your own thoughts and actions. This means learning to treat yourself with kindness, caring, compassion, and acceptance instead of self-judgment. Self-judgment will always make you feel unhappy and insecure, no matter how wonderfully your partner is treating you.

For example, instead of getting angry at your partner for your feelings of abandonment when he or she is late, preoccupied and not listening to you, not turned on sexually, and so on, you would explore your own feelings of abandonment and discover how you might be abandoning yourself.

When you learn how to take full, 100% responsibility for yourself, then you stop blaming your partner for your upsets. Since blaming one’s partner for one’s own unhappiness is the number one cause of relationship problems, learning how to take loving care of yourself is vital to a good relationship.

KINDNESS, COMPASSION, ACCEPTANCE

Treat others the way you want to be treated. This is the essence of a truly spiritual life. We all yearn to be treated lovingly – with kindness, compassion, understanding, and acceptance. We need to treat ourselves this way, and we need to treat our partner and others this way. Relationships flourish when both people treat each other with kindness. While there are no guarantees, often treating another with kindness brings kindness in return. If your partner is consistently angry, judgmental, uncaring and unkind, then you need to focus on what would be loving to yourself rather than reverting to anger, blame, judgment, withdrawal, resistance, or compliance. Kindness to others does not mean sacrificing yourself. Always remember that taking responsibility for yourself rather than blaming others is the most important thing you can do. If you are consistently kind to yourself and your partner, and your partner is consistently angry, blaming, withdrawn and unavailable, then you either have to accept a distant relationship, or you need to leave the relationship. You cannot make your partner change – you can only change yourself.

LEARNING INSTEAD OF CONTROLLING

When conflict occurs, you always have two choices regarding how to handle the conflict: you can open to learning about yourself and your partner and discover the deeper issues of the conflict, or you can try to win, or at least not lose, through some form of controlling behavior. We’ve all learning many overt and subtle ways of trying to control others into behaving the way we want: anger, blame, judgment, niceness, compliance, caretaking, resistance, withdrawal of love, explaining, teaching, defending, lying, denying, and so on. All the ways we try to control create even more conflict. Remembering to learn instead of control is a vital part of improving your relationship.

For example, most people have two major fears that become activated in relationships: the fear of abandonment – of losing the other - and the fear of engulfment – of losing oneself. When these fears get activated, most people immediately protect themselves against these fears with their controlling behavior. But if you chose to learn about your fears instead of attempt to control your partner, your fear would eventually heal. This is how we grow emotionally and spiritually – by learning instead of controlling.

CREATE DATE TIMES

When people first fall in love, they make time for each other. Then, especially after getting married, they get busy. Relationships need time to thrive. It is vitally important to set aside specific times to be together – to talk, play, make love. Intimacy cannot be maintained without time together.

GRATITUDE INSTEAD OF COMPLAINTS

Positive energy flows between two people when there is an “attitude of gratitude.” Constant complaints creates a heavy, negative energy, which is not fun to be around. Practice being grateful for what you have rather than focusing on what you don’t have. Complaints create stress, while gratitude creates inner peace, so gratitude creates not only emotional and relationship health, but physical health as well.

FUN AND PLAY

We all know that “work without play makes Jack a dull boy.” Work without play makes for dull relationships as well. Relationships flourish when people laugh together, play together, and when humor is a part of everyday life. Stop taking everything so seriously and learn to see the funny side of life. Intimacy flourishes when there is lightness of being, not when everything is heavy.

SERVICE

A wonderful way of creating intimacy is to do service projects together. Giving to others fills the heart and creates deep satisfaction in the soul. Doing service moves you out of yourself and your own problems and supports a broader, more spiritual view of life.

If you and your partner agree to these 7 choices, you will be amazed at the improvement in your relationship!


Source: Free Naughty Teen Selfshots

Where to Go on Your First Date

 That is an age-old question. Cave men had it made. They firmly believed in kidnapping and taking their date to a filthy cave out in the middle of nowhere. Those were what was known as the good old days. Now days first date destinations and plans are a little trickier. First let’s cover where NOT to go on a first date.

The old standby of dinner and a movie is a really poor choice for a first date. How will you get to know the lady if you are sitting in a darkened theater with a movie being shown? If you choose the movie, there is probably going to be a lot of frantic car chases and a lot of blood involved. Neither are conducive to creating a memorable evening.

Also, don’t take your date to your parent’s house! She will know right away that you are a mama’s boy and you will never see her again.

Don’t take your date to a sleazy bar with a motel out back. You will scare the poor woman to death. She will jump out of the car and hitchhike back to town believing that she would be safer with a burly truck driver than with you.
Now, some good first date ideas are:

Begin with a simple lunch or coffee date. You want to keep the date casual so suggesting meeting up for lunch or coffee can be a good start. This way, if the date didn’t go so well, you can end the date there but if you enjoy each other company, you have the rest of the day to spend getting to know each other better.

Here are some ideas of where to go if the lunch or coffee date tells you’re there is some good chemistry happening:

If it is the season, an amusement park or a theme park is a good first date idea. It doesn’t matter how old you are, we can all be big kids at heart. There’re so much you can do at amusement parks and theme parks that most likely you will forget about the dating pressure and just have fun.

Most well populated areas have an array of museums covering many different subjects. Visiting one that is dedicated to something that you have in common with the woman is another good first date idea.


Source: Free Naughty Teen Selfshots

13 Types of Girls you should Avoid

 In general, men are looking first for physical attraction at a woman. Many of them consider that if she is beautiful and well dressed, its the perfect partner they are looking for. But they don't know that behind this appearance its hiding something worst.

Maybe this happened to you too. After you began a relationship with her you found out that she is not exactly what you want and what you expect. She hurt you and dumped you when you last expected. Many men are chasing after a woman who lied them and used them. But, in order to stop this, you should know from the beginning which types of girls you should avoid for to not be hurt again.


Desperate girl

-it is the type of the girl who spend all her life laid out, looking for a perfect life, and suddenly she discover that she gets old and she doesn't get married yet because she hasn't met the perfect man for her

-she wants desperately to get married no matter who the guy is or what he does

-she is pressed by the time and is ready to marry with a jerk as long as he has marriage material

-watch out because if you marry one of this, you have to spend  the rest of your life with her


Materialistic girl

-usually is good looking and well dressed

-is looking very well outside but inside it is a bunch of money hungry taker

-she is looking all the time after boys which are staying very well with their wallet

-she expects that a man should finance her entire life just because she is biologically female

-she is very friendly, nice at the beginning but after some time you'll see that no matter how much you give her, she wants more

-she is greed personified

-she is interested only in what she wants and not others feelings

-stay away from this kind of girl because she will dumped you after she spend all your money


Angry girl

-she is the type of the girl which sees life like a battle

-anything   what is happening or is told to her is seen as a insult at her address

-has also a bad opinion about man, sees only the wrong sides of a man

-she is always upset and angry

-usually she likes to take out of context everything  what is said to her and to interpret the words like she wants

-you don't have any future with her, she has a simmering anger at men which can explode at any moment


Insecure girl

-she is very nice and treats men very well

-but she suffers by frustration

-is wracked by anxiety about making the wrong decision

-she has to think twice about what to do, what to wear, where to go, what to eat

-she needs constant reassurance that she's attractive and worries incessantly


Stupid girl

-this type of girl likes to speak a lot but she doesn't say nothing smart

-she likes to say always gossips about the others, but when you want to talk something important with her, she is not able to make conversation


Uptown girl

-she is very rich

-everything she has is better than yours and she wants to make sure that you know it

-she only dates the best of best

-is entirely focused on herself

-she is very selfish, self-indulgent grown up as '' daddy's little girl''

-needs to be constant center of attention no matter what she does or where she goes


Childish girl

-everything in life hurts this kind of girl

-is the type of girl who cries a lot, every innocent comment or criticism will upset her

-avoid this kind of girl because if you are dating one you will have to spend all the time apologizing even if you didn't make any mistake

-avoid also long term relationship with her because she is capable of suicide if you want to leave her and all the blame will be thrown on yourself


Elusive girl

-is the type of girl who is  afraid to start a relationship

-she might be hurt in a past relationship and so subconsciously avoids or sabotages new relationships in the present

-she look interested at the beginning but after a while she runs away

-is the type of girl who likes to send mixed messages so you'll never understand her


Talking girl

-it is a big difference between somebody who is able to make good conversation and have sense of humor , and somebody who always have to make a comment about everything

-it is the type which is very hard to please and always has to say something about everything is happening or speaking around her


Romantic girl

-this lives in her own world, of movies and romance novels

-she is very dreamy, imagining things, expecting Prince Charming to come after her

-she doesn't know how the real world is

-she was grown with the idea that she is a princess


Dragger girl

-this kind of girl will always make you feel bad even there is no reason to feel that

-it is always worrying and she can never be happy, everything around her is a total drag

-even if a wonderful thing happen to you, she will make you feel like it was the worst thing that could happen ever


Controlling girl

-she likes to have the total control in your relationship and on you too

-wants to control  you in everything you do, you wear or eat

-if you try to control her too, she will get angry, cry, scream or use any deceptive female tactic until you give up


Flirting girl

-she flirts with anybody and flaunt her sexuality at every opportunity

-has a big power of attraction

-exist the risk to dump you in any moment if somebody better comes along


With all these types of girls you should avoid, it is now more easy for you to  make a good choice    about  your next girlfriend; but remember that not all the women are the same, maybe there is somewhere a good, carrying woman just for you.


Source: Free Naughty Teen Selfshots

A Friend In Need

 Here’s the scenario: Julie, a hardworking secretary, lent money to her good friend Ray; $1300 to be exact. Ray had just moved to a new town and claimed that he needed two new suits: one for an upcoming wedding and one to wear on job interviews. Ray lived in a beautiful penthouse. He had a degree in Computer Science and was accustomed to the finer things in life – designer labels, frequent travel, and spa week-ends. When Ray told Julie he would repay her and signed a paper promising to do so, Julie didn’t think anything of it.

A couple of weeks later, Ray tried to hit Julie up for more money; this time to furnish his new home. When she told him that she wouldn’t be able to help him out this time, he accused her of being cold and hung up the phone on her. Julie suddenly realized that she was being taken advantage of. Her hurt quickly turned to rage. She wanted to know how someone could be so self-serving and inconsiderate. If Julie had been weak enough to lend Ray another several hundred dollars for furniture, how could he sleep at night knowing that she had expenses of her own to look after?

We as women have an innate desire to nurture whenever possible. Many of us have learned the hard way we must always keep our guard up – spot when we may be being misled or taken advantage of. It is a common belief that a woman who is eager to lend money to a man, suffers from niavity, desperation, or poor self-esteem. But in this case it was a loan not a gift, and a friendship not a romantic relationship.

We all know how risky it is to lend money to a friend of either sex. Some of us decide to give the lendee the benefit of the doubt because we think we know and trust them. Some of us are vigilant enough to take precautions to make the loan legally binding. The bottom line is that we need to stop stereo-typing and pointing fingers at a woman who would lend a man money. We need to take a closer look at the character of anyone who would try to take advantage of a friend’s generosity.

Along with her respect for him, Julie also lost all compassion for Ray and their so-called friendship deteriorated.? The fact of the matter is that no one can respect a man who fails to respect others. When he performs actions that are self-serving and manipulative, his sincerity, his honour, his integrity, are all called into question.

They say,"It's not what we eat but what we digest that makes us strong; not what we gain but what we save that makes us rich; not what we read but what we remember that makes us learned; and not what we profess but what we practice that gives us integrity."


Source: Free Naughty Teen Selfshots

A Beginners Guide To Online Dating - 5 Great Tips!

 Did you know that two out of five single people in the UK now use some kind of on line dating service? That's 40% of all singles! Unfortunately, the percentage of these people who actually find a real romance as a direct result of their site memberships is very low - probably less than 10%.

Why is this? Well, it's true that some sites are better than others; they have more traffic, they are better to navigate; they just 'work' whilst others just don't. But what really matters is how you use a site when you actually sign-up to one. Take my word for it, unless you take the five simple steps that I'm about to outline, you may as well do something more productive with your time than join a singles site. What I'm about to say may sound obvious and rather simplistic, but you'd be surprised at how many people don't bother doing the 'obvious'. So here goes...

1. Create A Great Profile. This is the most important aspect of your dating site experience. Don't just say 'Nice guy seeks nice girl for trips to the cinema' - how boring does that sound? Take the time to say something about yourself, your lifestyle, your interests and the type of person you're hoping to meet. And remember to sound happy, upbeat, fun and confident; if you're miserable about your recent breakup, then keep it to yourself! This isn't the time for modesty; if you think you're pretty darn attractive, then be sure to say so. And humour is a real ice-breaker - if you can make someone laugh, they'll be more likely to want to contact you.

2. Always Upload A Photo. Even if you don't have a very flattering one to hand, you should always post a pic with your profile. Remember, 95% of people on dating sites only search for other members who have bothered to provide a picture of themselves. You want to see what other potential partners look like so it stands to reason that other people will want to know what you look like too. If your photo isn't recent or isn't a great likeness of you, you can always say so in your profile.

3. Be Proactive. Don't just join a site and expect other people to contact you. Make sure you regularly search the database for people with whom you might be compatible and when you find someone you like the look or sound of, write to them immediately and tell them why you think you might be a good fit.

4. Write Great Emails. OK, you've joined a dating site, you've searched for other members who fall within your specified categories, and you've been presented with a page of matching profiles. You're eager to fire off a few emails...but what on earth do you say in them? Re-read the paragraph above about creating a great profile and apply the same rules to the first email that you send to another member. If it looks like you can't be bothered to say much or that you're sending the same one line message to several people, then they probably wont bother to reply. Tell that person a little about who you are and why you think you might both be compatible - respond directly to what you've read in that person's profile - sound interested and interesting and you'll get an email by return - sound boring and downbeat and you'll just be ignored.

5. Check Back With The Site. There are two reasons why you should do this as often as possible. The most obvious one is to keep up to speed with who has joined since you last logged-on; that special someone might have signed-up since you last visited the site so don't miss out. However, what most people don't realise is that when you log-in to a dating site, your profile moves up the listings on the internal search engine which means that you are more likely to be spotted and subsequently contacted by other people. Don't be a stranger to the site you've joined and I recommend that you visit the site at least once a day during the lifetime of your membership.

So there you have it - 5 easy ways to make your chosen dating site work for YOU. Have fun and happy hunting!


Source: Free Naughty Teen Selfshots

360 Degree Feedback – Lay it on the Line

 The most successful businesses make it a regular part of conducting business by asking their customers and suppliers for feedback.  They want to know how they can improve both their products and services.  They want their customers to find it a pleasure to work with them.  They have a goal of ‘delighting’ their customers.  The only way they can do this is by asking for direct input.  The encourage complaints.

You should do this too.  Ask your friends for feedback about you.  Are you boastful?  Are you fun?  Are you shy?  Are you easy to get along with?  This isn’t about finding our flaws or bashing your ego.  This is getting a good look at who you are.  I’ve already discussed taking your inventory to get a better look at yourself.  Now, it’s time to bring in others to help you.

You can do this informally or formally.  You can ask your friends to let you know what your three greatest strengths are and what your three greatest weaknesses are.  You can ask them what they like most about you, or least about you.  You can ask them open-ended questions and let them give you as many or as few attributes as they like.  Ask them if they could change one thing about you, what would it be.

The point here is not to hurt your ego or put you down.  The point is to see how others see you.  You may not even be aware of what you’re doing.  And you can’t change your behavior until you become aware of it first.  Maybe you like what you hear and don’t want to change certain things about you – and that’s fine.  But at least you know.  Maybe you won’t hear any surprises from your friends.  But maybe you will.  And once you become aware of the messages you are sending off, you can decide if those are the messages that will attract the kind of person you want.

I just ran into a co-worker in the break room.  I said, “Why are you scowling?”
She said, “Was I scowling?  I didn’t mean to!”  She wasn’t even aware of how she looked, which makes sense.  I’ve had similar comments made to me.  We can’t see our own expressions, so maybe we’re not projecting how we feel.  There is only one way to find out.  Ask.

This takes some guts.  This is not an easy step.  However, just like the most successful businesses that encourage feedback, it is well worth it.


Source: Free Naughty Teen Selfshots